What Remains: Untainted Page 6

  Barrett released a long breath, the whisper of air rustling the wisps of hair around her face. He eased back slightly, glancing at the other two men over his shoulder. “So it’s a no?”

  Her focus darted to the other men, noting the strained expressions on both their faces. She looked away, wanting to lie but unable to get the words to fit on her tongue. “It’s not that.”

  The sentence came out in a heated rush, blending the sounds together until it was nothing more than a husky plea. She cringed at the desperate quality to it, knowing the men would demand more. Barrett frowned, still staring at her when she dared to raise her gaze.

  “So you are attracted to us?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “I knew it.”

  He leaned in, but she palmed his chest, shoving him away.

  His brow pulled into a deep vee, his gaze traveling the length of her body. “Abby?”

  She clenched her jaw, pushing past him as she escaped to the far mattress. Tremors racked her body as she fisted her hands at her sides, finally spinning to face them. “What does it matter whether I have feelings for the three of you or not? You’re recon specialists. I know what that means…what it’ll mean when we go back to this damn compound. And don’t bother denying it. You’ve already told me more than once exactly what it is you all do.”

  Barrett looked at Colby and Darcy, a grim expression tightening the lines around his mouth. Colby walked over, patting Barrett on the shoulder before making his way toward her. He stopped a few feet away and shoved his hands into his pocket.

  He took what looked like a fortifying breath. “Abby. It’s not like that. At least, it doesn’t have to be. You’re right. Since we got back and found the world…” He waved his hand at the window. “Like this. We put all of our energy into fighting. It’s nothing to put our lives on the line, to risk getting infected to save someone. But that’s where it always stopped. No promises. No relationships. It was just us. And the longer we stayed away from the camp, the easier it became to distance ourselves. We had each other’s backs, and that was enough.”

  He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “When we first arrived, none of us imagined we’d actually find someone alive. Then you took us by storm. Stubborn. Strong. Intelligent.” He gave her a warm smile. “So damn beautiful. I know the moment it all changed. We were standing here, dressed in only our boxers, your gun pointed at our chests, and you stared at us as if we were nothing more than a figment of your imagination. Then it was as if you suddenly realized you weren’t alone, and you looked at us like we were the answer to your prayers. No one’s ever looked at us like that, like…” He paused, drawing in another deep breath. “Shit, sweetheart, when you put your hand on my chest, I’ve never felt…I guess that’s the real issue. I’ve just never felt much of anything before you.”

  He took a single step closer, once again flanked by Barrett and Darcy. “Yes, we’re recon specialists. But only because we never had a reason to quit. I think I speak for all of us when I say…you’re that reason.”

  Heat swept across Abby’s body, and she found herself bracing some of her weight on the wall in the hopes of staying on her feet. God, had they actually just said they’d give up recon missions for her?

  Her vision swam into shades of gray for a moment before she managed to pull herself together. “You’d really give it up? Is that even allowed?”

  Barrett laughed. “It’s a survivor compound, love. Not a concentration camp. True, there’re some ex-military chaps like us, and we do have a basic structure of command. But that’s mostly to maintain order. To help those not accustomed to living on the edge feel safe. Command won’t have a say in it, not as long as we all agree.”

  Darcy inched ahead of the others. “What we’re saying is…we’re ready to take that leap of faith if you are. But that means letting us inside those walls of yours.”

  “I don’t have walls. I’m just…” She paused, unsure of how to end the statement.

  Darcy shook his head. “Darling. Your walls are so high it’ll take more than just a rope to scale them.” He looked at his friends then back at her. “We realize you’ve been through some pretty horrific times. And we know no matter how hard we try, we can’t give you a guarantee. None of us know how long we have, but we’d sure as hell like to spend that time with you.”

  Emotions she wasn’t prepared for rushed to the surface, and she had to wrap her arms around herself to keep from shaking. They were asking her to trust them, to care. Hell, they were asking to be loved. She closed her eyes, assaulted by memories of the past. The beginning. The fear, the blood…the echoes of gunfire and endless growls. Kneeling beside the remains of those she’d lost. Killing the ones already turned. She realized that somewhere along the way, she’d just shut down. Done everything she could to minimize the pain. And now they were asking her to turn it back on. To face the inevitable with her heart raw. Exposed.

  She swallowed past the lump in her throat, knowing they needed an answer but too scared to do more than glance at them before looking away. She wanted to. Wanted to surrender to the rush of need that coursed through her veins, making the air thick with sexual tension. Wanted to give what was still human to the three men who had restored her hope. But that meant facing the reality that she could lose them. That she’d have to watch them slowly die then kill the things they’d become.

  Bile crested the back of her throat, threatening to empty her stomach on the floor. She cinched her arms tighter, holding the nausea at bay as she concentrated on taking a few, steady breaths. A dull rustling noise sounded beside her a moment before a hand touched her cheek. She didn’t flinch, didn’t move until fingers cupped her jaw, urging her to look up.

  She opened her eyes to find Colby staring at her, the deep brown in his eyes shadowed by the waning moonlight still filtering through the blankets covering the window. She wanted to sink into his embrace, but her feet seemed rooted to the spot.

  “It’s late, and you’re obviously exhausted. Why don’t you get some sleep? We’ll take watch for the rest of the night. We can talk in the morning, if you want to.”

  The understanding in his voice nearly took her to her knees. He wasn’t pushing. Wasn’t demanding answers, and she knew she was only fooling herself if she thought she could stay distant. They’d already broken through her defenses. It was only a matter of time before she acknowledged it out loud.

  She tried to smile, knowing her attempt was pathetic at best. “Colby, I—”

  His finger cut her off, the warmth of his touch like a brand on her heart. He shook his head, returning a smile more than genuine. “Sleep.”

  She nodded, giving the other two men a quick glance before turning and collapsing on the mattress. She stuffed one of her guns under her pillow, aware it wasn’t necessary but unable to forgo the ritual she’d lived by for the past several months. Images played in her mind, but she ignored them, focusing on the steady pounding of her heart in her head. They could talk in the morning, when her words weren’t influenced by the shades of their skin and the empty feeling in the pit of her stomach. When the sun would give her the strength to convince herself she didn’t care.

  Chapter Five

  Colby drew a sliver of blanket aside and stared out the window, watching the undulating mass of Gray amble along the pavement, their pale skin florescent in the moonlight. The sun wouldn’t rise for a couple more hours, but even in the muted glow, he could tell their numbers were finally beginning to dwindle. While it was far from safe, if this trend continued, he and the lads would have a window of opportunity to get Abby to safety in the next few days.

  The thought settled in his gut like a stone. After their conversation in the night, he wasn’t even confident they could convince her to leave, not that any of them would take no for an answer. Not when they knew staying spelled certain death. But if he were being honest with himself, he knew he didn’t want to take her there without first knowing she belonged to them.

  He
cursed, slamming his hand against the glass. He didn’t know how to prove they were worth the risk—that whatever time they all had left would be richer if they spent it together. He hadn’t missed the way she’d trembled to the point he thought the entire tower must have been shaking. She was scared. Terrified.

  “Here. Take this.”

  Colby turned. Darcy’s hand hovered beside him, a mug clenched between his fingers. Tendrils of steam curled up from the liquid, the strong smell of coffee permeating the air.

  Colby smiled his thanks, taking a tentative step. “Wow. Darcy. This could peel paint.”

  The man shrugged, drawing a long pull from his own cup. “I figured we all could use it.” He toed the floor, looking at the dull tiles as if they held the answer to their problem. “I’ll take watch for a bit, if you’d like.”

  Colby snorted. “Like I could sleep.”

  He glanced over at the collection of mattresses. Barrett had shoved his against the wall, using it as a cushion as he pressed his back against the drywall, one knee bent, his head tucked into his arm. Though he looked as if he’d fallen asleep, Colby knew better. Every so often the man’s shoulders tensed, and he caught Barrett glancing over at Abby.

  Colby sighed, allowing his gaze to wander to her bed. She’d curled herself into a ball and hadn’t moved since drifting off into a troubled sleep two hours ago. She’d spent most of the time mumbling incoherent syllables as her legs twitched nervously beneath the blanket, but at least she seemed to be resting.

  Darcy nudged him. “Wish I knew what to say to make it all right, but it seems the harder we try, the deeper she retreats inside herself.” He swung his gaze toward Colby. “Those people she had to kill before she got here—the ones that ‘didn’t make it out of New Mexico alive’. I’m thinking it was far worse than we thought.”

  Colby nodded, frowning when she groaned in her sleep. If he hadn’t been standing there, watching her, he would have sworn she was in pain. “I’m starting to wish I’d paid more attention to my mother and her endless lectures on how I needed to get in touch with my fucking feminine side. Whatever this is with Abby, simply luring her into our bed isn’t the answer, or at least not a solution.”

  “Damn shame, bro. Sex is pretty much the only thing I’m good at with women.”

  Colby chuckled, taking another swig of coffee when Abby screamed, the raw sound putting his instincts on edge. He darted for the mattress, the other two men no more than a heartbeat behind him. Colby reached the side as she bolted upright, one of her guns clenched in her outstretched hand. He had just enough time to swing his arm and angle the muzzle toward the wall before she depressed the trigger, the slight click deafening in the room. She screamed again, and he reached for her arm, grabbing her hand, preventing her from attempting to fire again. Thankfully, she’d engaged the safety before stuffing the damn thing under her pillow, but god only knew how long it’d take her to figure it out.

  She pulled against his hold, her hair flying around her shoulders, her eyes wild and glassy. Barrett yelled her name, cupping her shoulders, but it only made her resist harder. Colby moved in closer, using his strength to pull her into his chest. She connected with a solid thud, the impact jarring her back to her senses. She glanced around, fear clouding her eyes as she gasped for breath, her heart thrashing against his ribs.

  She looked up at him, tears glistening on her cheeks. “He’s here. He’s inside. We have to go!”

  Colby frowned, glancing at Darcy and Barrett before shaking his head. “You’ve been dreaming. No one’s inside. All the doors at ground level are barricaded shut, and the Gray can’t climb, remember?”

  She sobbed and shook her head, some of her usual stubbornness returning to her expression. “No, you’re wrong. It’s not safe. We have to go, we have to—”

  He pulled her closer, silencing her with a gentle finger across her lips. “Abby. Sweetheart. It was just a dream. We’re safe. But to ease your fears…” He turned to the other men. “Barrett. Darcy. Please do a sweep of the tower. Check downstairs and the balcony too.”

  The men nodded, pushing to their feet and disappearing down a small corridor. Abby watched them go, her mouth pulled into a thin line, tears still clinging to her skin. Her body shook violently within his grasp, and he backed away, snagging a candle from beside her mattress. He reached into his pants’ pocket and retrieved his lighter, hoping the added amount of light would make the room less frightening. She smiled her thanks but shivered when he reached for her again. He swore under his breath, and he found himself rocking her within his arms, hoping the easy motion soothed some of her fear. She remained stiff for a few more seconds before finally relaxing, her body nearly limp as her head fell against his shoulder, her arms falling to her lap.

  He smiled against her hair, dropping a kiss on her forehead as he continued to sway, savoring the intimate closeness. While he didn’t enjoy seeing her like this, he’d be lying to himself if he didn’t admit that he loved the way she molded against him, her breath tickling his chest, her gentle weight calming something deep inside him.

  He eased back when footsteps echoed through the room, allowing Abby to see the other men as they returned. “Well?”

  Darcy shook his head. “All clear. Nothing’s been inside. All the doors are secure, and it actually looks like the numbers outside have decreased.” He moved closer, kneeling beside Abby. “We double checked, darling. You’re safe.”

  Her gaze traveled the room before she released a shuddering breath. The muscles in her jaw flexed when she finally looked the men in the eye. “You’re sure?”

  “Hundred percent. Barrett and I even put some weight against the doors. Your group did a great job of sealing them shut. Nothing’s getting in without a couple of bars of C4.”

  She nodded, her expression speaking volumes. “Thank you both for checking. I thought…”

  Darcy traced his finger along her jaw, wiping at a lingering tear. “We’d do anything for you.”

  Her chin quivered, and she lowered her head, staring at her lap. Darcy gave Colby a desolate glance as he drew his hand back, seemingly unsure what to do next.

  Abby gasped, snapping her head up as she searched their faces. “Why does the barrel of my gun feel warm?” She inhaled sharply. “Oh god! Did I fire at you?”

  Colby grasped one hand, drawing her attention. “No harm done. The safety was on.”

  “The safety?” She scrambled out of his arms, pacing to the other side of the room as she tucked the gun in the holster at her waist. “Holy shit! I could have killed one of you.”

  Colby stood, meeting her halfway. “But you didn’t. Besides, I deflected the shot. It only would have impacted the wall if you’d gotten a round off.”

  She stopped walking, palming her hands on her hips. “The wall! Is that supposed to make me feel better? Fuck, Colby, I damn near shot you!”

  Colby growled, closing the distance. “Would you stop freaking out for one second? Please. Look, as good as you are, we’ve been avoiding bullets for over ten years now. It’ll take more than a nightmare to kill one of us off. And no, I’m not making light of the situation. I’m just being realistic. I’d expect you to wake up shooting if you thought your life was in danger, real or not, so don’t apologize for developing reflexes that have kept you alive when everyone else in your group died. It’s one of the reasons we’re so damn taken with you. We’ve never met a woman who could hold her own the way you do.” He brushed his thumb along her cheek. “We’re more concerned with what the hell scared you so much.”

  She bent over slightly, wrapping her arms around herself as she made a garbled choking sound. A sob broke the silence as she slowly raised her gaze to his. “Whether I agree or not, just knowing I could have lost one of you…”

  Colby inhaled, his mind reeling. Had she just admitted she cared? Out loud? He took the final step toward her, tentatively cupping her shoulders. “We’re not going anywhere unless you kick our asses out.”

  She gla
nced at where his hands held her but didn’t try to pull away. She released a weary breath. “I don’t want to need the three of you. I don’t want to care. There’s just one problem…I already do.”

  He stood there, shell-shocked for a few moments before her words sunk in. A slow smile claimed his mouth as he gently tugged her into his chest, cradling the back of her head with one hand as the other snaked around her waist. She breathed another heavy sigh, allowing him to bridge some of her weight as her body hugged his, the gentle pressure unhinging his control.

  Colby tightened his grip and spun, backing her into Darcy’s chest as the man stepped up behind her, his hands falling to brace on her hips. Barrett moved around to her right side, running his fingers through her hair. Her expression had softened, the fear in her eyes shifting into hot desire as she took in each of them.

  Her lips rose at the edge as she leaned into Darcy’s chest, seemingly content to have him hold her upright. “I’ve only had a handful of lovers over the years, and never more than one at a time.” She snagged her lip, looking just a bit unsure of herself. “I’m not sure how…”

  Colby nodded, tracing the line of her jaw before spearing his fingers through her hair. He stepped up, lowering his head to hers as he drank in her startled breath. “It’s a first for us, as well. But I’m fairly certain we can stumble our way through it. If it’s what you truly want.” He brushed his lips over hers. “We don’t want you to regret this in the morning. You mean too much to us. If you need more time—”

  She placed her finger over his mouth, silencing him. “Has anyone ever told you that you talk a lot for a guy?” She removed her finger. “And how could I ever regret making love to three men who arrived like knights in shining armor and stole the very heart they resurrected.” She leaned in. “Kiss me.”